A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.
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A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.
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A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
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A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.
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Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
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Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
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Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.
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Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own.
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For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.
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Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
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If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
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If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
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If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
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Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
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Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
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More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.
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Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.
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Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.
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Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.
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Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.
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