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Conan O'Brien
Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.

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Robert Scheer
And the big issue here, I think, is that the publisher took over the editorial pages, a guy named Jeff Johnson. He's an accountant from Chicago, doesn't know anything about what newspapers are supposed to be about, and he made a decision to get rid of the column.